Just so we are clear…

I once yelled. It was to a roomful lovely people who I once called family. I am not a yeller, I rarely raise my voice and I have no competitive bone in my body - much to the chagrin of my soccer teams from age 6 - 23.

I yelled and my body quivered and my voice quaked and I had had enough. I yelled not at them but at the doctrine that clouded their vision. At the religion that set them apart - above - and away from the love they were suppose to be. I yelled to bleed in from of them, I yelled my guts out so they could see that I was as human as the student that took their own life so that they could be seen too and in that moment I yelled in their silence - it was not intentional or planned … it just shot out of me as if it was not me at all. All the while I couldn’t really believe that it was my body standing at the front of a meeting that was certainly not about yelling. Gosh - that was very uncomfortable and maybe not productive even. well, Ill say it, it was ground shaking for me and my family and I didn’t know if I could live with my heart now open, seeing the truth and not at least speaking up. So my soul shot the voice right out of the centre of my heart… and then I left, right or wrong I left because my allegiance was not to a denomination or doctrine - it was just to love.

I yelled and that is not how we do things in those houses- so I don’t go there anymore. I tried to get above the template that was ingrained in them, to split the veil of forgetting, to lift the fog of detachment and remind them that we all bleed together and we all breathe the same air.

Our hearts are vortexes and and we all shed tears, all are born of a mother and loose loved ones, we all have heart break, break hearts, suffer and inflict pain and we all die. In our pain we are very, very similar and in our joy we remember that we are unified and that our true inner compass is steered toward love and peace even if it doesn’t look that way now- but we all first started here with the God spark alive and well. It would be wise to remember that in our daily lives - we are not so different. We are all allowed to remember in perfect timing of course so that it is true to our path and remembered from deep within and we are all welcomed to the embrace of love - no one should be turned away when they come with an open heart. AND if you have been hurt by the house - it is not the place to heal. And if you choose to hurt the house … well then it was never the house for you but I also dissolve the periods here because there is always room for a different view and I am open-

Have you heard of the God spark that ignites a bright light within you at the moment of conception? That is your love. A human is not created with out it though you can choose to fan it or put it under a rock. You get that choice. We all have it even if you choose not to acknowledge it in others which is especially easy if they themselves are unaware of it or choose not to know it with in them. I have only recently come to know my own spark … which I am happy to report leads to strength.

You don’t have to call it a God spark, you can call it whatever you want. I am deeply aware that you (and I) have asigned a specific meaning and interpretation of what GOD is and I can not know what that might look like to you. God didn’t even call it’s self God - what do you think of that? I have deconstructed and reconstructed my idea of God numerous times in the last 10 years.

So we can call it source, or light, or THIS, or That or Creator or spirit or Illuminator or love from here on out should we decide to talk about the “this-ness” again. And I am sorry I yelled. We all have shadow and light - it was not right or wrong - it was human.