A light house and an Antenna
You are an antenna for loving- you give and you receive. You can choose to emit a strong or weak signal - that is up to you.
It starts by clearing out and tiding up the inside. What does that mean? How do you do that? By owning your shit.. because well - you bought it! Let’s use me as an example! I love chocolate, wine, laying around and dreaming. I like to lay on the couch, the lawn, the grass at the park, the forest floor, in the water on a raft, in a hammock, on my patio furniture, on the living room floor when I have eaten too much chocolate but oddly enough I don’t actually like laying on the couch. You get it by now … my preferred relaxation position involves laying down which is not in fact a state you should strive to be in for optimum health. SOOO… I have to make myself stay upright and walk, clean, type, jump on my mini trampoline, jog when prompted by the dog, staying moving when cooking or visiting friends - unless I am at your house and we will just lay on the floor chatting like we did in our bedrooms with friends when when we were young. Basically I have to make myself move in a healthy productive way… this is keeping a tidy “inside”
I love chocolate - the really dark stuff - 80-100% dark cacao. I can eat it all day long, every single day but I don’t — yet again - I am keeping my insides clean. WINE - wine brings enjoyment when I am with friends but it also brings hot flashes and so I face that fact and choose accordingly - I own the reality of it and I do not delve into delusion. Nobody makes me drink wine - I choose the hot flash inducing elixer- I am not subject to it’s whim.
Sugar, I love that too - give me it in the forms of baked goods - homemade- banana bread- pumpkin loaf - carrot cake … oh l love carrot cake with nuts and rasins BUT it gives me inflammation in my joints .. my shoulder aches after 4 days of carrot cake ! and I know it does because when I don’t partake and I stick to consuming whole foods … I have no inflamation.
IT turns out that I am the captain of my ship and I can steer into choppy water or calm seas. Lets go deeper.. and trickier… (trigger warning- abuse ahead) Stop now if you don’t want to see me turn my lead into GOLD.
I was abused at a young age - mentally, physically, emotionally. I was too young to know what to do or how to get out of it and I was too young to understand the lesson of personal power that this was trying to teach me. (lead to gold) I wanted everyone else to help me get out of it but I didn’t want to stand up for myself. I couldn’t stand up for myself. I didn’t want people to know about it but hoped/prayed that someone would come and take it away. I was not aware that I could walk away - let me rephrase that - I was not aware that even little me - had the strength inside me to tell someone who was able to help me walk away, because I was not aware of my strength. It took 2 years before I was able to escape and that person went on to the next victim. I was 13 and he was 15 and I understand that was a lesson that could have been much shorter had I known my power and my worth. I also am eternally grateful for my ART teacher who kept me safe in the art room because she spotted the trouble when I couldn’t say it. She had lived it before, she had known the signs and she didn’t give up on me. She also knew that at that age, it had to come from the power inside me. That age - we as young women learn many lessons the hard way. She kept me on her radar in various careful ways but knew that helping too much would actually hurt me later …when the lesson tried to rear its ugly head again, if I didn’t learn it internally. Since then I have also learned that helping can in fact- hurt when you step in too fast and too powerfully. OF course this is age dependant and situation dependant, I am no fool of the evils of this world.
This here that I am speaking of - this is how I personally turn Lead into Gold -some call it Alchemy.
I own my side of the shit equation - and I turn lead into gold. Once you open this door of alchemy … you can clean your house with power and when the winds of time bring debris through your door or a hidden door suddenly pops open, you have the tools and the strength to suck that shit up and spit out a gold bar.
After a while the gold you made and store neatly can power your antenna of LOVE. It firsts starts small by loving your insides, then maybe you start to love your outsides and then it spills over on to your friends and they feed your love antenna and then it builds more power and you can shine it for a little longer once or twice a day but maybe not every day because we like to go easy here from the living room floor. But you catch my vibe don’t you, you beautiful antenna of love - I see you shining! - you already know all this you little alchemist! AND NOW you know why I LOVE donating art to My local thrift store - because it is only awareness of our inherent power and deserving and the softening of time and safe space to reflect - that is the difference between needing their services or donating to their cause. Awareness is elusive but it becomes more visible when we lift each other up and become examples of our LOVING power to show the way, to open the door and to wait with love cheering each other on as we gather ourselves to walk through one step at a time. And this Local thrift store provides a space for a woman to find safety and time to remember her strength. How cool is that?
I chose to spill out paint to help me remember my power and to remember my powerful teachers LIKE YOU! She who commands the seas of joy and laughter and love and simultaneously is also the light house who shines it out to others and brings it home to herself. This is what you are, I hope you know this.
You are this.